pretty, anxious

“how do you know anything is real”

::

“you don’t”

“that’s irrelevant”

“because it’s a shared world”

“if it’s real to you, it’s real”



A



 


I don’t want to do anything

I want to sleep and sit on swingsets

I don’t want to do anything




what did I lose and where did I leave it

 


;

it’s exhausting to be so terrified of living
fears I own, fears that don’t belong to me, fear of fearing


R1-04363-0009

Crooked bastards
always with the secrets”
and sly gestures
stirring up milky dust




which stage is this?

|||| ||||




your love is unlike mine
I am massive in my virtue
absolutely cherubic
cute, huh?
no, seriously

but she
she’s pretty
big eyes
big breasts
no soul


I shouldn’t have looked

whatever.











fail forever

Activity 7

Mixed feelings, baby, mixed feels.



R2-04318-0012



(Draft circa September 5, 2014)

sunshine, turpentine, toothpaste.

I’ve always loved you (gritty).


(9/20/2014)

be cool, in front of your friends.

that’s right.

keep your composure
inquire about your ex girlfriend nonchalantly
let me lean on your arm, grapple me like a new toy

that’s better.


(9/21/2014)

I think you lack purity
but you leak testosterone

|||| ||


Opacity

opacity

 

 

Should I change my definition of true love?

My ideals seem to conflict with those of my adversaries//lovers

—–+—–+—–+—–+

I took his car
I drove to your house
I entered through the back door.
I was unashamed….

but then
I realized you were sleeping
and you are not my secretkeeper

I ran
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out
out

√√√√¥©ƒ††•ªªøøøøø¨¨¨††††®´∑∑£¢∞§¶•

when will this cease
is this peace

I want love without bounds
but on my terms.
please sign here

 

 

x___________________

Ladles

R1-04122-0009

I’m not safe anywhere
any where
no one knows the gravity
pavement is the lowest they’ll go

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

stale atmosphere in the kitchen.
we only get along enough to pass the cutting board-

I hate you. I loathe you
stop projecting your guilt onto us
you’re a grandfather 15 years too late
it shows in your hair
not mine

I saw a recent photograph of my grandmother
it’s lying on the fridge right now.

I fear
the truth;

time

†††††††††

lover
I yearn to ask
if you still love her
if I’m second best
if you’re certain
If
if
if

if

if===

how can I fill your void
If I can’t fill my own?

++++++++++

Grandmother, a bowl of my favorite soup, please
you were my first
and only
figure